My body trembled as I got up to leave the room. His blue eyes followed me as the scent of his Armani cologne circled my nostrils. I opened the door as the fresh smell of cut grass overtook the smell of his cologne. I felt free again. I knew if I accepted his offer my life would change forever. Part of my childhood would never come back because I would be his. Entering my mom’s car questions started to run through my head. “Am I too young?” “My friends are doing it why can’t I?” The car ride home was quiet as I gazed out the window with these thoughts continuing to run through my head.
Arriving home I began to do my homework as I did any other Thursday night. I sat in my bed going over my vocabulary flashcards for Mr. Modesto’s weekly vocabulary tests. While sitting there all alone a cold breeze from my window blew a few of the cards on the floor. I went to pick them up when a picture of me and my two best friends from elementary school was coming out from under my bed. Again questions whirled through my head until they put me to bed.
The next morning I woke up to my mother yelling to me, “Get up sleepy head breakfast is on the table and I am late to work!” Bam! The door slammed as she was off to work. Taking a deep breath, I smelt the aroma of pancakes and sausages in the air. Putting on my fuzzy black slippers I headed to the kitchen. I am normally a shy person but today was the day it was going to happen I was going to be his.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Michele:
ReplyDeleteYou use some interesting and concrete language--great job. I'm less sure what's going on. Is he asking you to marry him? You want the problem/goal to be clear and apparent from the get go, and the discovery happens over significance not over the details of the narrative.
If you're no longer together, what kind of significance does this moment have to you and to others? What does it say about young love and life choices?
I really think that this is good! I love how descriptive you are. It makes everything seem very alive. I can't wait to read the whole story and find out what is really going on. The only criticism I can give you is that I don't know what is going to happen, so it's kind of hard to understand but im sure it will all make sense after reading a little more. :)
ReplyDelete